A strange state of mind. Thats where I am these days.
I've been struggling with "identity" for the last decade....trying to figure out who I am and who I'm supposed to be. Sometimes its clear, most times its a mess. Can you blame me though? When an Afghani family weds their son to the daughter of a Turkish family, leading to the couple and their many kids to move to Pakistan where their daughter meets another Afghani-Pakistani. As this merging of cultures takes place, a confused seedling is concieved and then born and moved to be rasied in Saudi Arabia. As the seedling becomes a plant (I will not say flower, since, anybody that knows the seedling is aware that she was no flower), she is moved yet again, to take root in Canada. All this colliding and coming together of cultures over the generations is a very Canadian thing. So the seedling had no problem become "Canadian"...where she was as confused as the rest.
Fast forward to today: Pakistan is at war...with...well....with itself. There are many theories which I shall not get into....theories about how the US and Russia have a stake in this war, about how the ISI is causing this war, about how it is a proxy war, about how the taliban are the devil....so many theories. I have chosen to stay mute about this issue because no matter what I say, it is not a solution. In fact, anything I say gets added to the oodles of whining already happening around this war.
What bothers me, though, is the fact that there is a war. I am concerned about the limitless relationships suffering due to this war, the thousands who will lose a parent, the thousands who will lose a spouse. I am worried for the hundreds of thousands who will go without dinner and possibly never see a comfortable sleep ever. I am worried that one day, I will get a phone call in my sterile and fancy house in Canada, and find out that the last one that died was somebody I knew.
I dont like war.
I've been struggling with "identity" for the last decade....trying to figure out who I am and who I'm supposed to be. Sometimes its clear, most times its a mess. Can you blame me though? When an Afghani family weds their son to the daughter of a Turkish family, leading to the couple and their many kids to move to Pakistan where their daughter meets another Afghani-Pakistani. As this merging of cultures takes place, a confused seedling is concieved and then born and moved to be rasied in Saudi Arabia. As the seedling becomes a plant (I will not say flower, since, anybody that knows the seedling is aware that she was no flower), she is moved yet again, to take root in Canada. All this colliding and coming together of cultures over the generations is a very Canadian thing. So the seedling had no problem become "Canadian"...where she was as confused as the rest.
Fast forward to today: Pakistan is at war...with...well....with itself. There are many theories which I shall not get into....theories about how the US and Russia have a stake in this war, about how the ISI is causing this war, about how it is a proxy war, about how the taliban are the devil....so many theories. I have chosen to stay mute about this issue because no matter what I say, it is not a solution. In fact, anything I say gets added to the oodles of whining already happening around this war.
What bothers me, though, is the fact that there is a war. I am concerned about the limitless relationships suffering due to this war, the thousands who will lose a parent, the thousands who will lose a spouse. I am worried for the hundreds of thousands who will go without dinner and possibly never see a comfortable sleep ever. I am worried that one day, I will get a phone call in my sterile and fancy house in Canada, and find out that the last one that died was somebody I knew.
I dont like war.
In regards to Canada, we have not been in a serious war for a while now. We are currently holding our own in Afghanistan, but that is a peace keeping mission and not war. So to sum up, we are a peaceful nation and we are not at war. Earlier this week (the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month), we celebrated Remembrance Day. Well, not celebrated. More like we observed Remembrance Day. Feeling an extreme sense of patriotic well-being, I skipped lunch to run over the City Hall and listen to talks by the mayor and veterans. It was topped off with O Canada. Every person in the crowd raised his/her voice and sang as if it mattered. And you know what? It did matter. Being a nation not-at-war mattered to each of us. Of course we moured the 130 losses in Afghanistan, but we also mourned the ones who died in Vietnam, WW2, WW1, Vimy. We were thankful to those who died, and those who live, for maintaining this peace we live in.
Again, I dont like war.
But I faced an odd dilemma this week. As I spoke up, for the first time, about Canadian war heroes, and Pakistani war heroes, I was told to shut up. Why? Because by celebrating or observing these vacations, by showing fear and concern, I was indirectly supporting the war. I was supporting the troops.
But, I questioned: Just because I am grateful to the troops for fighting for peace doesnt mean I want them to fight.
I got the following answer: You want them to fight so you can live a peaceful life. You support war.
Ouch.
And here I am, as confused as I was generations before my conception.
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